Permission to Die?

Permission to Die?

I don’t seem to have the stamina I used to have… I’m so tired!

Not as bad as the weekend and before, but still enough to pose a serious problem to any considerations of homework and still enough to get teary (ok fine I cried a little, don’t judge me, I’m a girl and I’m doing IB) in tuition today when I basically ranted about how I’m beginning to have my IB meltdowns for half an hour…

And you know what? He was honest with me. CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH! I’m serious! I whined about how I sucked at maths, numbers just don’t work in my head… it’s not that I don’t understand the logic, because I do… I just… it doesn’t *click*… anyone know what I mean? No? Oh well…

He just looked at me and was like: “Einstein once said that if we judged a fish by it’s ability to climb trees, it would always be a failure.”

Basically he said me doing maths is on par with a fish trying to climb a tree.

Thank you. No sarcasm. Genuinely, this guy cuts the bullshit, hits crap where it hurts and gives it to me straight up. This is what I like about Asians. When it comes to study, they mean business. This is what I need to hear. Not the shit that the teachers at my school spout about me being “totally able to do maths” and that “I should be aiming for a 6″… BULLSHIT! I can’t do maths, I couldn’t do it in Year 6, I can’t do it now.

Okay, I’m not hopeless, nor am I a lost cause… I just don’t pick it up very quickly. When I get it, I more or less get it for good.

ANYWAY, yeah. I started telling him about how I wanted a 40 and it’s so unlikely and I’m just realising it now and how I’m starting to freak out and lose my shit.

He just looked at me and told me I couldn’t lose my shit. That’s that. He had a melt down 5 weeks before his exams where he basically said “fuck you all” and played games and did ABSOLUTELY NO WORK for an entire week. Then revised like crazy for a month… and got 44/45.

It’s possible. People can do it. If they can, I can. I can get my 40. I can, I can, I can. I just need to keep telling myself I can…

Moving on, this time next week I’ll have done my first 3 mocks… this time in 4 months I’ll be preparing for my VERY LAST IB EXAM EVER! Which, FYI, is a Chemistry Exam in the Morning Session. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 4 months and I’m fucking FREE!

I have noticed I’ve become more and more crude in my text posts… I will try to scale that back a bit more. I need to stay true to myself because this blog is more or less my stream of consciousness at the time I write it… but the swearing is so unnecessary.

I apologise. I will clean up my potty mouth. :3

Need to do my CAS Reflections desperately. I think I’ll try to get them all done tomorrow…….. the deadline is drawing inexorably closer and I have the bare minimum in.

Night all! I’m going to bed. Half past midnight… not too bad.



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. IB victim
    Jan 16, 2013 @ 15:30:08

    Oh my GOD. You are in the same position as me!! I’m in last year of IB, had mocks this week, failed all, predicted 42, 4 months till freedom!?!? God, I don’t know why but my stamina/motivation has died as well. Last year I could stay up till 1-2am working, now it’s 10pm and I’m dead. I hate the IB so much… I want to stab it until it cracks into trillion pieces. Your tutor sounds so amazing and inspirational. Pleasse keep writing about stuff he says to help me get through this journey of hell as well! Btw my last exam is chemistry paper 3 (am) too! It’s on my birthday 😀 x


    • caitiecakes
      Jan 17, 2013 @ 01:36:21

      Oh my gosh! I have mocks next week… shoot me, I kinda don’t care but I kinda do so it’s a weird thing to try to revise… haha. You’re predicted 42! WOWZA!! I’m aiming for 40, I don’t care what the teachers have predicted me 😛
      4 months from today until freedom! I do Chem too!! Are you HL? Or SL like me? 🙂 What are your other subjects?
      Goodness, if IB disappeared tomorrow, I wouldn’t be sorry in the least. If IB were a person… let’s just say they’d probably be on the top 3 list of people that almost every student would want to kill…
      Yeah, I’m really lucky to have him! He’s coming over again tonight for more revision so I’ll pass on any pearls of wisdom from him! 😀
      I’ll try my best to remember to wish you a happy birthday after the exam! It’ll be my last exam so I’ll try and write to you before I go off and party ’til dawn, haha. Do you have a blog I could follow you on maybe? 🙂 xoxo


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