Dad’s Home

Dad's Home

So dad’s home. We had the inevitable talk. Thankfully, and I’m slightly surprised at this, no explosions. I told him I planned to move out- or that I was at least considering it.

I think the lack of maternal presence certainly helped to keep things calm.

The more I work out the logistics of moving out, the more I don’t think it will happen. At least not until 2014… which is kinda pointless since I have Uni.

As much as I want to stay here with everyone, I really think the only way I’m going to get away is to stick to the original plan and go to Sydney or Canberra- my heart breaks. No really. It does. I want to stay here and be with the twins and all their friends. I have found a niche here and they like me and think I’m fun and want to take me out with them…

And come February, I’ll leave.

I thought it would be a lot easier than this.

My choices are:
-Stay and hate every minute of it, but have everything paid for me.
-Leave and have independence (but be in way over my head, financially).

They’re both shitty options. Personally I’d prefer the latter… from an emotional point of view I want the latter. But the rational part, the part I’ve listened to my entire life up until moving in with my mum… I know I should stay. I just don’t know how sane I’ll be when Uni rolls around.

Dad’s not going to pay for tuition as he’d originally promised, which leaves me with yet another obstacle to overcome before leaving. Until I get my tax number all my earnings will be halved. Instead of getting around $350 a week, I’ll be getting around $175…

Mum wants me to pay board/rent whatever you want to call it, it’s still stupid. I’ll have to pay for tuition. I’ll have to pay for transport to work and back everyday… basically, moving out or just having casual money suddenly looks miles away.

I’m struggling to find the silver lining, but I know I can’t give up. I simply cannot give up right now, no matter how shitty it feels or gets.

I don’t know how much longer dad will be here for, but I can’t figure out whether it’ll be better or worse once he leaves.

I’m sick of this all. Each time I strive to be more adult I wind up a hundred feet further behind. I can’t wait for Uni. No matter where it is, I am looking forwards to escaping. Not going to UQ will not be the end of the world (for goodness sake I haven’t even APPLIED yet… that’s something else I’ll have to wait for my paycheck for… the $60 to apply to QTAC).

Not to mention I have to wait to earn a certain amount into my account before even begin spending it. I’m not going to be able to pay for ANYTHING for at least a month. So much for financial independence.

I hope to god I’m good at this job. I need to make the sales. I need to get the money.

Tired and frustrated, I bid you goodnight!



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Rahul Ranjan
    Aug 22, 2013 @ 16:46:46

    don’t worry dear everything will be fine soon 🙂


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