Games and Songs

Games and Songs

So I’ve moved on (a little) from Tetris… my new “addiction” is Solitare. I’ve played it about 4-5 times today and m best time is 5 minutes something. Yup.

I also had the acappella thing today. Two solid hours. Thought I was going to throw myself out a window at some points (it got a bit frustrating), luckily- or unluckily- there were no windows and so I remained in the room until we FINISHED THE WHOLE THING! Yeah! Woohoo! We got the whole thing done from start to end! Well… 3 out of the 4 parts can do it from beginning to end. We were missing one of the sections… oh well. I’m going to try and arrange one 2-3 hour session over the holidays so that we’re ALL up to speed and ready to perform on the 19th.

I also need to re-confirm with my head of year that we’re even performing (which will be fun… seeing as avoid talking or even LOOKING at him. At all costs).

Lunchtime was fun… sorta. We had our Graduation photos, which consisted of a lot of noise, a lot of crowding, a lot of looking up and straining our necks… and a lot of clapping. It was nice though, makes graduation feel THAT much closer.

After that… ugh… we had the Head Team Speeches. Yes. It’s that time of year again. This time last year I was full of hope and joy and nervous anticipation. It’s nearly an official year since I started my rebellion and my proper teenhood. It was hard, at first, to watch all those girls and guys go up and give their speeches as to “why they were the best candidate for Head Girl/Boy”.

It hurt deep down knowing that they probably didn’t realise how corrupt the system was. They probably don’t realise that their speeches don’t mean jackshit. They just have to be tight with the right teachers. That’s how you get on the Head Team. Listening to their speeches reminded me of all the speeches I had drafted in the lead up to last year. All those hours I’d wasted making sure my record was spotless and shiny as gold. So yeah… that was probably the worst/hardest part of my day.

I have to vote by the end of the school day tomorrow. Part of me wants to abstain (but that isn’t fair to the candidates). Another- nastier- part of me wanted to write on the slip “my vote doesn’t matter anyway”, but yet again the school has foiled me- it’s all online for voting. Ugh. Instead I’ll vote for the underdogs. The people that reminded me most of me. I have a pretty good idea who’ll win, regardless of my vote.

Don’t really know what else to do right now… gotta walk up to meet my mum at the nearby mall in a few seconds so byeee! 🙂

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Near Events and Fangirling

Near Events and Fangirling

So there’s 36 days until exams.
And there’s 7 days until school’s out forever.

Something around 3 months until I graduate.

And from what my friends tell me… I have until Friday night to try and memorise what it feels like to be whole. I’m sleeping at Chimmercharlie’s house on Thursday night and we’re “going to school” on Friday (we’ll be on Easter holiday as of Friday) and so I’ll have until about 7-8pm on Friday.

We’re going to try and finish Season 2. I hear very scary things about Season 2. As a Team Sam fangirl… apparently the ending Season 2 will leave me on the floor gasping for air like a fish out of water…

It’s going to be bad. I’m almost temped to not watch to the end, but I know I won’t get a chance to later… I want to catch up with the girls so bad. SO BAD! But not at the cost that I know is unavoidable. Thinking about what could possibly damage me so hard at the end of this season makes my heart hurt.

PLUS I’ve reached my Tumblr reblog limit (grrrrrrr), which means I’m just torturing myself as I scroll through all these posts that I want… no… NEED on my blog that are about beautiful men (like my Jared, or my Aaron and such like).

I’ve got to revise now… two songs on repeat- Imagine Dragons’ “It’s Time” and “Radioactive”… yes I am aware just how far behind I am on music trends, haha.

So Thursday-Friday is going to be fun. Expect lots of ugly crying photos. LOTS. Expect me to fangirl and moan and try to rip my heart out…

I won’t be able to tear it from myself though because I’ve already given it to Jared. I won’t be able to surrender it because it’s going to have been torn out already. The season ending is going to be brutal. And it only gets worse from there I hear.

I really have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into. I thought I did. I never wanted this. This deep, dark, dank hole. It’s testing my limits, pushing my fangirling to new heights.

I don’t want to watch Supernatural but I NEED TO *desperate gasping*

English after this… ew.

Okay. Breathe.

Keep calm and keep up the pretense of studying.
#IB Mantra

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Yet Another One of Those Days

Yet Another One of Those Days

So I made the mistake of telling the ‘rents about wanting to maybe possibly go to the UK (or at least start looking).

They laid into me… guilting me with the money thing. I see their point, I really do, but I don’t think they get how stressful it is.

I used to know that no matter what I’d get into Uni. I used to know that no matter what I’d go to Australia.

I don’t anymore.

About any of it.

I’m still going to do my damnest… but what if it isn’t good enough now?

I just want to KNOW. The UK sure isn’t my ideal Uni location… but I’ve always said it’s about the degree, not the place. I’ve talked the talk and now it’s time for me to step up and walk the walk.

Anyway. Parents are blowing it off for now. I guess I should too… but I now have this niggle in the back of my mind. Ugh. I hate being a teenager.

What else. Oh yeah, I made up with my friend (stopped talking to him for about 2 weeks… over different things, the last week of ignoring him has been because he pissed me off… but that’s all sorted out now) 😀

Uhmmmmm… I don’t really know what else to say.

I WANT TO WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE OF SUPERNATURAL! FML! SAM/JARED WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME!!!!! I need that beautiful moose in my life. :’)

Can’t wait to watch the entire series… and own it on DVD… just imagine all the box sets lining my walls :’3

Anyway, I have about 400000000 Chinese writing papers to do for tomorrow morning. Eeesh. Such fun. -.-

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Somebody Help?

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Hey guys… so the three of us started with ‘Les Mis’ sing-a-longs… then moved on to ‘Cell-Block Tango’.

Then.

We found the ‘Moulin Rouge’ soundtrack on Tumblr. We got a little carried away.

Can someone please tell me how to upload non-youtube-d videos onto my blog? Thank you!

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Rubbing Shoulders with the Elite

So it’s just another casual Friday night when you go to a friend’s 18th birthday party… at Ku De Ta… V.I.P.

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Especially when there are 50 kids at it… and you hang out with a mere 3 or 4 of them…

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And the birthday girl’s big present? Oh, just a car.

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Because, you totally know she’s already sat her learners permit or road rules test (she hasn’t… in case you haven’t picked up on the sarcasm…)

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Oh dear sweet jaysus, just look at dem bags. If I was flying, I’d probably have to check them in. Guess that means it’s time for bed, haha!

All in all it was a pretty good night! I got to dress up and go to Ku De Ta. The music was awesome as ever. No cute guys unfortunately, but at least I got to dance! AAAND catch up with an old classmate of mine on the ride home. Back to school for study tomorrow. Joy of joys.

But then. Supernatural. I get to watch another 2 episodes tomorrow. So I have something to look forwards to and work hard for.

Feeling Irritable. (Warning: Rant)

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It’s times like these when having a blog that school people know about AND skipping a night of sleep combines and creates something ugly. I just wish that people at school didn’t know about this damn blog. Ugh, it’s hard because I don’t want to write things I don’t actually mean because it’s hard to express tone through text. But I just GRR I censor my blog, a lot, I say no reals names I keep stories as anonymous as I feel is necessary… but of course people who go to my school will know who I’m talking about when I say certain things.

Ughhhhhhhh… I don’t know what to do or say. The whole point of this blogging is as a way of me to talk to the world, it’s for myself. I completely understand that people have rights and boundaries that I must respect… but when there are people at school reading what I post and then asking around for the real identities of certain people in stories (resulting in even HEAVIER editing of previous posts….) I just, I don’t know how to react. Short of changing my url… but I don’t want to do that because I love my url and there is no other url for me.

I don’t understand why people feel the need to pry. It should be a privilege to read someone else’s diary (at the same time I totally understand that I’m bringing it on myself for putting my “diary” up online for the world to see).

Maybe I’m just a little more frustrated by it because I didn’t sleep last night, maybe, who knows. But I’ve had to heavily re-edit (TWICE) one of my posts about the weekend (in which I’m pointing fun at myself and no-one else) simply because I mention relationship statuses.

ARGH! I know perhaps I shouldn’t have put some of the stuff in the first one and I was more than happy to edit it out to please everyone.

BUT HOW IS IT FAIR TO TEASE ME WITH THE NICKNAME “SUPERGIRL” BUT NOT ALLOW ME TO TELL MY OWN BLOG ABOUT THE STORY BEHIND IT?

I don’t say names. I don’t say much about anyone really, except myself. But there was one detail that made them ask me to remove all of it (which I respect, at least they asked and didn’t start a fight). I just…  grr… maybe it’s because I’m envious of them all because they can flit off with their close ones and talk about everything and at the end of the day, here I am, blogging to all you lovely netizens… but I’m still alone. I’m still only telling my side of the story to a machine.

My laptop can’t laugh back or hug me or poke fun at me.

(Heaven forbid I should have to now remove THIS for fear that people might suss who I’m talking about -.-)

I just want to be explicit here: I am not aiming any of this AT anyone. I am ranting to my laptop. For the love of all that is good out there, do not think I am having a go at anyone. I’m just sitting here, alone, on my laptop, telling my side of the story. I’m tired and irritated and stressed and I just wanted to be able to scroll back through this blog and smile at the stories. I wanted you all to be able to do the same. But no. School people know about this blog (I can count how many on one hand), but if they start asking questions then it’s like a pebble in a pond. I really don’t see why anyone in my school would be even slightly interested in my blog. Like, at all.

People are entitled to their privacy. Granted. I have respected that and changed the necessary in accordingly.

I JUST WANT TO GET OUT. I feel so trapped here. I’m in a fab friendship group, that’s not the point. I feel trapped by the other school kids. I don’t talk about this candidly with anyone, it’s so easy to talk to an inanimate object. So why am I being forced to censor my thoughts?

And you know what really sucks? I’m pretty damn sure someone will read this and either get offended, upset, angry at me OR want to chat about it. I DON’T WANT TO CHAT ABOUT IT. I am in a shit mood. My stress limits have stretch marks that have stretch marks on them. In 44 days I start my IB exams and all I want to do is burst into tears in random stairwells.

Ugh. I’m not angry for having to edit my posts (god I sound bipolar). I’m really not. I’m just frustrated that other people feel it’s necessary to spread the word about my posts to the point where I have to edit them.

Okay… that sounds like I’m trying to be sneaky. I’m not trying to be sneaky. I just wish fellow schoolmates would just stop reading my damn blog sometimes. It’s NOT FOR YOU! It’s for me and it’s for the thousands of random strangers out there that have visited my blog over the last 5 months!

My school already knows a lot about me. Too much, enough. I want a forum where I can feel like I’m talking to people and getting this all off my chest… and at the same time don’t feel scared that people are going to talk to me about this.

I don’t want to talk about it- if I did I would have freaking approached you first. That’s the idea. You don’t read someone’s diary and then talk to them about how they were feeling the night before if they were feeling shitty. They might have moved on since then. If they haven’t? Then fucking give them space, they’ll come to you if they want help.

Also, this is just a side note seeing as I’ve got a nice rant going here- do not fucking tell me that my problems are trivial compared to OTHER TRIVIAL PROBLEMS. WE ARE ALL TEENAGERS. ALL OUR PROBLEMS (pretty much) ARE TRIVIAL. NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. Just because you are experiencing YOUR problems and not MINE does not make your problems more valid or important or serious than mine. If you’re that kind of person, take a fucking step back before you go accusing other people of only being worried about “small things”. For all you know they’re not that fucking small.

In the wise words of Plato:

Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

A Very Eventful Night

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Had lots of fun tonight…. but I have to go to bed (or risk simply not waking up tomorrow…..) so I’ll update you all on my shennanigans tomorrow!

I’d just like to say a massive shout out to you all today! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME SINGAPORE WAS NOT MY TOP VIEWER! What does that mean? That means that you guys out there care more about me than my friends do! YAY! 😀

That’s not anything against my friends, I love them to bits, it’s just… I’m so chuffed that so many of you dropped by! Haha!

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THANK YOU ALL AND TO ALL GOODNIGHT! 😀

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