It’s Getting Close

It's Getting Close

Nearly going to be a graduate! High school officially ends in 45 minutes and I’m so scared… I can feel my heart beating a little harder and there’s a trembling in my fingers…

I don’t know if I’m ready to grow up yet. It’s like I’m a baby bird about to be catapulted out of her nest- I’ll either be able to learn to fly or I’ll fall to my death… even if my flying is jilted from bad technique- at least it’s better than smooshing into the ground.

Does that analogy make any sense?

I’m in a weird place right now.

We watched “The Little Mermaid” in Biology (hurhurhur) and our teacher wrote us all personalised poems. In English we watched two TED Talks, which were pretty interesting. In Philosophy my awesome teacher gave us all these Chinese jade keychain things- “Plato’s Pig” I think she called it. I’ll have to check though.

Aside from that I’m trying not to think about exams starting in TWO WEEKS FROM NOW OMFG! This time in two weeks I’ll have finished my first IB exam. Shoot me.

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Disney in Chemistry

Disney in Chemistry

So I look a bit better than I did this morning thankfully.

I’m in Chemistry now (it’s nearly finished), which means that I’m almost halfway through my school day right now! 😀

Getting that essay in has really calmed me down.

ALSO there’s good things happening at home. I’m not really going to go into specifics about this one, but basically there were lots of complications about moving to Australia and as of yesterday everything has taken a VERY positive turn for the better.

It is such a huge weight off the family. I’ve been so shitty with people because home has been so stressful (on top of IB) and I know it isn’t fair to them to have to put up with me… but most of them do. Ever since hearing the good news the whole atmosphere at home has improved.

Part of me thinks that either Mr. Asshole didn’t send the ISAMS or my parents haven’t gotten the email OR they’re not going to talk to me about it (with any luck it’s the first one…)

Only Maths and English left to go. I’m tired but I’m not in a bad mood or suffering any headaches or whatnot (well, maybe a little dizzy…).

The home situation should really help with the amount of stress I’m dealing with… now all I have to worry about is learning my IB stuff.

There are 16 days left of school.
There are 42 days left until IB exams.
There are 3 months until I graduate and leave this place in the dust.

The notion is strange, liberating, terrifying, weird, inconceivable, unfathomable, unsettling……. you get the idea.

Right now I’m rocking out to my Disney song collection. I think that I relate most to Rapunzel’s “When Will My Life Begin” at the moment. I just want to start learning about what I love instead of furtively sneaking looks at books and newspaper snippets whenever my face isn’t smashed in IB textbooks and past papers.

Not long now until freedom and I simply can’t wait.

The speech I gave the other night (I’m working on finding the video to upload to you all) has received a lot of praise. I’m so happy I got the chance to do it, I really can’t express just how much I love Ancient Greece. University is going to be amazing and the course I will study will feed my passion for the civilisation, I just know it!

Soon! But not now. I have to do well in the exams. I have to suffer the darkest part of the night before I can reap the rewards and enjoy the beauty of the morning.

Not much left until I can officially say I’m done with my school and done with IB. Oh! The thought gives me flutters! 😀

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Finished. Done. Over.

Finished. Done. Over.

That’s it. TOK is officially uploaded on the IBO website. I’d be lying if I said I was anything less than FUCKING TERRIFIED. I really don’t feel confident that what I handed in is worth a ‘B’… but that might also be attributed to the fact that my TOK teacher never really inspired me with good faith.

But fuck it. It’s over. It’s done and handed in and I can’t touch it anymore.

What can I touch? The last draft I handed in. What you see in this picture? Yeah. It’s now tattered and in pieces all over this desk.

I now have to work my freaking arse off to get my exam grades. Nothing I’ve handed in has given me any sense of pride or accomplishment (as it’s supposedly meant to…). I hate the fucking IB. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

And the cafe doesn’t have ribena today. I am very unimpressed. (My drug-like dependence on Ribena is actually quite worrying.)

I want to scream right now and let out all my frustration, but I can’t just yet because I need to revise for my Chemistry test that is in……. less than half an hour. Ugh. Then it’s choir with a group of people who can’t read sheet music, much less actually fucking sing.

JUST HANG IN THERE UNTIL 2pm! JUST KEEP GOING FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER! I can’t believe it’s still freaking “am” right now. Fuck this shit. -.-

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My Latest Gadget

So I downloaded a new free app, it’s a countdown thing.

It tells me exactly how many days/hours/minutes/seconds I have left until I start my exams.

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That’s what it reads RIGHT NOW.

I want to shoot myself. This is why my blog-counter-downer says it’s 1 month I guess…

Hopefully this, coupled with my exam schedule background:

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Will kick my ass into gear. I officially have less than 60 days to learn the rest of ALL my subjects and revise EVERYTHING. My heart rate has actually picked up just thinking about it. I don’t feel at all prepared for this. Maths is done, English is done, Philosophy is done… Chinese is more or less done.

Biology and Chemistry aren’t though.

Chemistry isn’t done.

I have TWO WHOLE OPTIONS left to learn for Chemistry (as opposed to just one in Biology).

*Sobs*

I’VE DONE IT!

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I’VE BROKEN €1,000!!!!

I CAN OFFICIALLY AFFORD 10 DAYS IN GREECE!! 😀

Time To Be Productive

Time To Be Productive

I am going to get my CAS Reflections done and handed in in the next half hour… okay hour. I officially have all my sign offs, I just need to write up another 4 reflections and hand them in. Yay! It’s possible. Then I can do my Philo (extension ’til tomorrow) and my World Lit (due next week).

It hasn’t stopped raining around here. The skies are constantly black, it’s a tad depressing… and inconvenient. The rain is just so heavy here! I know Singapore only has two seasons “Wet” and “Wetter” (aka “Dry” and “Wet”), right now we’re supposedly in the “Dry” season and all it’s done is belt it down… *Sigh*

I have tuition tonight, hopefully I’ll have something sugary close-by to keep me awake long enough to pay attention to him. I don’t know if I’ve ever had so little sleep in IB… I’m coping surprisingly well all things considered.

I’m shattered yet, physically tired as hell- but so far I’ve managed to battle off my desire to doze (that’s not to say I have been perky all day because lets be honest, I’ve been anything *but* perky today…)

So yeah, onto CAS. Onto glory!

I feel so truly shitty. I have convinced myself (in the space of a day) that I have microplasma again. It would explain why I’ve found it so hard to run/ breathe over the last few games (yes I know I’m unfit, but I have a very quick recovery time… which seems to be slowing down- don’t go thinking I’m making excuses, I genuinely do have a fast bounce back rate, and what I’m going through at the moment isn’t me being unfit, it’s me being sick).

It’s sad that I find it so hard to tell my parents that I’m sick… my mum has this terrible attitude of “if you’re still walking, you’re fine” sorta thing. She has little time or sympathy for sickness. It took a whole two months before we went to the doctor the first time I got microplasma, and a month the second time. Who knows how long I’ve had it this time, but I definitely recognise the symptoms… oh well, as I said earlier, I’ll give it a few more days before I jump to conclusions.

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