My Latest Gadget

So I downloaded a new free app, it’s a countdown thing.

It tells me exactly how many days/hours/minutes/seconds I have left until I start my exams.

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That’s what it reads RIGHT NOW.

I want to shoot myself. This is why my blog-counter-downer says it’s 1 month I guess…

Hopefully this, coupled with my exam schedule background:

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Will kick my ass into gear. I officially have less than 60 days to learn the rest of ALL my subjects and revise EVERYTHING. My heart rate has actually picked up just thinking about it. I don’t feel at all prepared for this. Maths is done, English is done, Philosophy is done… Chinese is more or less done.

Biology and Chemistry aren’t though.

Chemistry isn’t done.

I have TWO WHOLE OPTIONS left to learn for Chemistry (as opposed to just one in Biology).

*Sobs*

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Weekend Once More

Weekend Once More

So it’s Saturday again… Joy of joys. I’ve just found out I have an Chinese Oral Exam on Wednesday o.O

So I’m slightly freaked…

Anyway, last night was lots of fun, I went out with my girlies for dinner and whatnot. Spent about 8 hours solid with Chimmercharlie, we watched 3-4 episodes of ‘Supernatural’, so now I only have 8 episodes left of season 1. Yay!

I got home late-ish and my laptop was dead so I couldn’t post for ya’ll 🙂

My sister is in a netball weekend competition so I just watched one of her games, now I’m studying. Yup, yup, yup, that’s a summary of my last 12 hours-ish.

My goals this weekend:
– Chinese papers (and general speaking revision)
– Maths Worksheets
– English Essay
– TOK Final Final Draft (ughhhhh, this thing keeps popping up -.-)

I think those are the only urgent ones… I need to revise for a topic test in Chem… shit, that’s also on Wednesday. FML. Oh well… Chinese comes first because it’s an actual exam (and my best shot at securing my overall 7 at the end of the year).

Whatever… IBFML… I guess everyone’s going through similar stuff.

PS- Today is particularly terrifying… it’s EXACTLY 2 MONTHS TO THE DAY UNTIL I START MY IB EXAMS. KILL ME. KILL ME NOW.

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Well.

Well.

Well fuck me. The fucking TOK is STILL not done. She wants it in again by Monday. I get it, she’s giving me more of a chance to save my ass… I need the highest freaking grade on this that I can get (especially after my EE teacher screwed me over).

My headache is at fever pitch. I hate this school. So much. I can’t wait to graduate, but thinking about exams leaves me feeling sick to the bone. SICK. I feel my stomach churning when I think about how underprepared I am.

I have tuition tonight and I’m pretty sure I’m going to struggle. I can feel the crushing pressure of stress and exhaustion mounting in my temples and behind my eyes.

We had a bit of a family tragedy the other day- my dad’s sister (whom I’ve never met) had a heart attack and was given a stent. I didn’t blog it because they told me it wasn’t a big deal… and I don’t know her… and I don’t really think that sort of thing needs to be known by my school friends (READ: DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS IN SCHOOL TYSM)… it sucks having school people on my blog sometimes… I mean, I don’t mind, but the whole point was this was a sort of journal thing… I shouldn’t have to edit my own journal. Ugh. Whatever. I’ll deal. Most of them are pretty good at keeping their traps shut about stuff on my blog (so yay, keep it up!).

But yeah, she had a heart attack. My dad is flying out tonight to see her. This comes right on the tail of my one living blood grandparent left having another bout of cancer a week ago or so. They operated and got rid of it and he’s ok, so that’s a relief, but it’s still kind of shitty for my dad at the moment- which doesn’t make it easier at home, but I’m not going to be selfish about this- I feel for him. He’s really upset, he lost his mother to a heart attack when he was in his… 20s? So yeah, it’s scary. All the women on my dad’s side of the family seem to drop dead around late 40’s, early 50’s- not a good sign for me…

Cancer is quite prevalent throughout my entire family, both sides. I don’t really know what else there is to say about it though. It is what it is and it won’t change. It’ll just make me more cautious (therefore I really need to start liking running… weight gain is pretty damn easy for the women of my family too *sigh*)

Well that all escalated quickly.

Anyway, I’m very tired and very annoyed. Doesn’t help that Mr. Asshole is driving me crazy. I’m so sick of this man. Ugh. IB. My school can’t do IB. We really shouldn’t be offering it. This is nuts. I am so worried about my exams but I am unable to motivate myself enough to revise. Screw this. I’m going to stop this post here. Eeeesh.

Ok… dear sweet jesus, I was just about to stop- then THAT FREAKING GIRL started talking (you know that one person who makes you see red the second they enter the room? Yeah. Her. I explain more about her on my “About Me” page…. I think… she’s our Deputy Head Girl or something like that.)

I think I might scream, but I’ll try not to. Bye all… it’s Maths.

Joy of holy joys.

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Sincerely

I am sincerely sick of:

  • My school
  • IB
  • Most of my teachers
  • Most of my classmates
  • Myself
  • My life
  • My inability to conquer maths
  • My inability to focus
  • Not being able to read
  • Not being able to write
  • Constantly feeling stressed
  • Constantly feeling tired
  • Constantly feeling sick
  • Constantly feeling guilty
  • Know I am the only one that can fix my situation
  • Coursework
  • Homework
  • Idiots
  • Staying awake
  • Being emotional
  • Wanting to cry or scream every hour
  • Constantly craving chocolate
  • Treating my family like shit because I can’t keep my shit together
  • Treating my friends with disrespect because I don’t have enough self-respect to care
  • Feeling empty
  • Feeling lonely
  • Feeling crowded
  • Feeling fake
  • Feeling unreal
  • Not playing basketball
  • Not playing netball
  • Not being a good singer
  • Never being able to watch T.V.
  • Never being able to watch movies
  • Never being able to properly relax
  • My addiction to tetris
  • My addiction to ribena
  • My obsession with food that’s bad for me
  • My aversion to running
  • My workload
  • My inability to stop caring
  • My inability to care enough
  • My total apathy for the subjects I’m not doing well in
  • My complete lack of regard for those that I’m okay at
  • The way I treat my Bio teacher
  • The way I treat my Philo teacher
  • The fact it’s illegal to kill my Chem teacher in any of the creative ways I think up in class (or at all for that matter)
  • Anything that breathes
  • Anything that doesn’t breathe for that matter…

Just let me get out already.

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1, 2, 3, 4, I Declare a Gif War

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What even. So much for working. I am currently engaged in a very amusing gif war with my friend… who is sat next to me. Anyway, the aim is to make the other person laugh and get caught by the teacher (but not really because then you’d both be in trouble for mucking around in class… ugh, teachers are so boring sometimes).

I actually gif-war a lot with my friends. Who can blame me? I have over 7,000 gifs (7,537 to be exact) saved from tumblr and around the interwebs…

Yeah, I didn’t have a life before I blogged. I have even less of a life now that I have a blog. Slave to my computer….

I’m not complaining through. I had an active imagination as a child, IB has sent me over into full on delusional. SO sitting in front of my laptop screen, I can convince myself that I am Jandi (except not as pathetic and annoying and plain ugh… OH and I’d make the right freaking decision and dry-hump Kim Hyun Joong 24/7), I can make myself believe that I am really a Princess stuck in a castle reading books all day and waiting for my Prince to come. Or I blog. Or I tumble. Or I watty* it up. Or I cry over my k-dramas…. or my homework/ state of my life/ lack of love life/ lack of chocolate in my room/ lack of ice cream/ lack of desire to change myself despite knowing I really should try more/ songs that describe me “perfectly”/ pictures of cute animals.

Yeah. Teenage hormones and shut-in lifestyle really don’t mix well.

* “Watty”- I have a Wattpad account (free creative writing site, I lived on there before I made this, so far I have completed one big piece of work: “Behind the Cherry Tree”, and have written multiple other short stories, writing has come to a standstill as of late because of my work…)

“Wattying” is the verb (that I made up) for being online/ writing on Wattpad.

My Wattpad Account is MentalMozart (I’m not being arrogant, I just couldn’t think of a good username that wasn’t already taken and I happened to be listening to Natasha Beddingfield’s “No Mozart” at the time… love that song!!) If you’re interested in the crappy little teenage love stories that I write, then please check me out! I want to hit 100 fans before 2013… not likely but who knows!!!)