So That’s That…

Image

My laptop has been taken in to be serviced. Gone for the next 3-4 days. *Sniffles*.

In other news: I am a quarter of the way through Season 3 of Supernatural (YAY) and at this rate I’ll probably be done with the season before exams… which are in 30. So I need to get my act together and start some REALLY hardcore revision.

I am getting very worried about the searches that people are finding my blog with… This is from yesterday:

Image

I don’t even know. I really don’t. I’ve had better ones in the past… I might have posted a screenshot… not sure (the picture is DEFO on my laptop, I could post it when I get it back if I can remember to…). Ugh. I hate not having my laptop. It’s like taking your baby to the doctor’s… or your loyal pet to the vet. It was physically difficult to leave the store with my baby still in there…

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER…….. eeesh, I’m a true 21st century kid I guess.

Off to watch a movie with the father so byee! 🙂

Advertisements

Out of Time… Oopsie

Image

So I didn’t get around to reblogging today… whoops.

Short summary though:

– I went to school
– Chimmercharlie taught me a lot of Biology
– I FINISHED SEASON 2 OF SUPERNATURAL
– I cried a lot. A LOT a lot.
– I went out to dinner with the fam
– Dropped mum and sister off at the airport
– Am preparing to go to the Apple store tomorrow to get my iPod and laptop checked out (and probably buy a new charger…)

I am a bit worried about tomorrow morning to be honest… I’ll have to be a big kid :S

At least I’ll get to start Season 3 tomorrow! WOOO!! 😀

Photo’s from last night! More are coming! For now there is only this one (courtesy of Avalon):

Image

Wouldn’t Ya Know It

Wouldn't Ya Know It

I honestly don’t get Mr. Asshole. REALLY REALLY DON’T GET HIM.

That damn essay I was up until 3am writing last night? Yeah… he said it was my best one yet (I got 20/25), he’s even put it up online for the rest of the class to read as an “exemplary essay”. I wrote at at 3am. I wasn’t even coherent.

He tried reading it out in class and I had to correct him every few words or so because it’s so horribly written.

Maybe I just don’t get IB. If that’s what a good essay is… then I’m at a loss.

Do I take comfort from the fact that high stress and extreme sleep-deprivation makes me write good essays?

Should I be worried? With any luck I *WON’T* be in that state of mind when I go into the exams… but does that mean I will not do as well?

ARGH!

I am so done with IB. -.-

Image

Chemistry! What Even?

Chemistry! What Even?

Oh GOODNESS!

I’m doing a DCP/CE for Chemistry (my very last Chemistry IA! YAY!)… it was due on Wednesday and… FML

The results!! D:

The MOLAR RESULTS!! D:

I needed to get the ratio- 1:7

Instead? I got the ratio- 1:49

HOW THE HELL DOES SOMETHING GO THAT WRONG?!!!???!!

It’s 1:16 in the morning… I’m so done with chemistry -.-

Image

Yay For Power Naps!

Yay For Power Naps!

So I skipped Chinese and had a nap in the nurse! YAY! I feel a lot better now! All I’m really worried about now is my English class… I wonder if he’ll still want those damn essays in? If not then woo! Great! If so, then fuuuuck -.-

Anyway, I’ll tell him I forgot it and write it….. at some point- maybe aim for it to go in on Thursday? Meh.

I had my meeting about the assembly tomorrow, shouldn’t be too bad (as long as I can still talk, haha). I just need to make up some slides and send them to the P.E. Dept.

What else… yeah, I just need to finish off my IA at some point and send that in. Will probably do it in the Chemistry lesson (not sure if I have a lesson seeing as she’s focusing on the HL at the moment- the SL core course is over, we need to do the second option now…).

The sleep has really cleared my head, I’m glad I didn’t just skip and go to the library! I was really freaking out about today at the beginning of the day because all I could see was an un-hackable mound of places to be and things to do, now? Now it’s just a day to take step by step. That’s all. Step by step. Breathe.

So yeah. In Philosophy now, have 4 more school activities (3 lessons, 1 activity) until ELLIE GOULDING! ELLIE GOULDING! ELLIE GOULDING! 😀 😀 😀

No clue what to wear tonight! I’m really excited! It’s the first concert I’ve been to since last year (oh poor little hard done by me… not, haha).

Okay, paying attention now- bye! 🙂

Image

I Hate Chemistry

I Hate Chemistry

WHY IS THIS NOT WORKING! OMG! D:

Image

Motivate Me. (Warning: Rant)

Motivate Me.

Went for a walk. Yeah. Voluntarily. An hour and a half. My parents got shitty with me again, so I left for a walk. Tempted to just not come back. One of my really good friends came with me and it was really nice to just chat and walk and be away from home.

I feel like in Year 6 or Year 10 all over again. *Sigh*

Just as we were finishing the last leg of the walk, my parents appeared out of nowhere. Just my luck. Their freaking timing. -.-

So I was “escorted” home (felt like it at least).

Now I’ve just got to shower and revise for my three mocks tomorrow. I’ve completely lost my motivation- not that I had much to begin with. I just cannot be bothered with such trivial things. They twist my stomach and make me feel sick.

The hypocrisy of the parents and teachers. “These mocks don’t matter” “These mocks mean nothing” “Fail harder!” “Oh my god how could you get that wrong!” “You’re not working hard enough!” “Are you trying to fail?” “You aren’t focusing” “Of course we don’t mind what grades you get” “These mocks are just to learn your weaknesses” “I don’t think you’ve done enough work” “You go out too much on the weekend” “Why are you never working” “Your mock grades better match the amount of work you claim to be putting in”

On top of that, I’ve completely put my foot in it. There’s really no use worrying about it, the damage is done and all that’s left now is for me to wait for the fall out to hit. What did I do that I’m so worried about now? I explained the difference between appearance and reality to a 9 year old. She wanted to know why her parents were lying about their family. She wanted to know why it mattered that her grandfather was supposedly a business man, when he was really a bus driver. One of the reflection questions was “What did you learn about your family during this project?”… and she wanted me to write “My daddy is a liar”… she was laughing while she said it. But she asked me why it was that she couldn’t tell the truth about her family. So I told her the truth, more or less. Made her pinky swear not to tell her parents that I told her, asked her to not ask her parents about the whole thing.

I felt uneasy when I told her, I left and now my nerves are eating me alive. It wasn’t my place to tell her, at the same time she wasn’t getting answers from her parents… I wasn’t trying to do anything horrible… I just feel like this could turn out very badly.

The future of my job depends on the pinky swear of a 9 year old girl. I’m so fucked. Sometimes I really wish I could slap myself into sense. She’s a smart girl and I do trust her… but who am I to tell her she can’t ask her parents about certain things?

I’m a terrible person.

I don’t think I’m going to sleep well tonight. Don’t suppose I deserve to… Oh well. *Sigh*

I wish I could give a silver lining but I’m too exhausted to come up with something. These next 4 months cannot pass fast enough. I need to get out, I feel so trapped here. It’s so claustrophobic living in this house. I know I am privileged, I feel grateful and all, but I can’t wait to leave. I need the space. I can’t deal with the politics of school and parents and being perfect.

To the point where I want to try and get drunk. I want to get hammered and show up, passed out, on my doorstep for my parents to find me. That’ll show them that I’m not perfect, that I can’t handle the pressure they’re putting me under.

(N.B. Anyone joining the chronicles of my life at this stage- I don’t drink. Not in a snobby I’m-better-than-you kinda way, but in a I-genuinely-don’t-like-the-taste-of-alcohol kinda way. I haven’t found “my drink” yet… until then I’m a sober rover. So for me to get drunk is huge. I’ve hardly ever even been tipsy! I can only recall being tipsy once- I was at home with the parents playing monopoly (thug life) so yeah. I don’t drink, I hate being out of control, especially being out of control of my own life or body…)

I want to get drunk. Push past the appalling taste of vodka or whatever it takes to just make it happen.

But then again, I’m just feeling sorry for myself. It’s pathetic. Don’t worry, I’ll suck it up and be back to my “bouncy” self again by the time I get to scho… oh wait. It’s mocks. -.-

Then it’s SEASAC.

Four whole days stuck in Thailand with my mother and sister in close quarters. My dad’s coming this year. The fearsome foursome are making an appearance. This is going to be fun.

*Hiccups*

*Sobs*

It’s ok. I’ll be ok. No pity. I am an 18 year old girl and I will be FINE. Just got to survive these next four months until I graduate.

Oh jeeeeeez, I have the Alumni meeting on Thursday morning. *Bottom lip trembles*

JEEZ PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

Ok.

Breathe.

It’s nothing you can’t handle.

Remember that. Always. No matter what happens, it won’t be something you can’t handle. You’ve climbed a mountain for fuck’s sake. You can conquer paper. You have climbed the tallest mountain in SEAsia. You’ve met royalty. These mocks are nothing. You’ve had a solo on the Forbidden City Concert Hall Stage. What’s a bit of paper? You met Karl Jenkins. So what you don’t get 40? You’ll still get into Uni! Yeah, you trekked through a jungle for four days, what’s a few days with the family?

The holidays are coming up. 10 school days until you have a whole week off. Just 10 more days. You can do it. It’s possible. It can be done. Other people have done it. All those other IB graduates have done it. You can do it.

I have to.

Don’t come this far only to give up before the last hurdle.

Image