Post-Exam Surprise (Warning: Rant)

So today was eventful. I’m dying. So tired that my face hurts. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, I’m not ready to see anyone… UGH

I have TOK and Philo Plans to do before I can go to bed though… still no sign of my Philosophy folder *sobs*

I have a meeting and a rehearsal in my first period “free”… I don’t know if I’ll even be able to walk.

My participation in the Classics Symposium is a mere week and a half away… I want to cry because I want so badly to do well that I can’t stand the pressure I put myself under. I haven’t studied the play “Pseudolus” for the last year like the others have. I’ve had Chinese every time they’ve had Classics. I haven’t given myself the time to fully prepare a speech on my EE for the evening either.

I want to do SO MUCH, but there is nothing I can do… but there is. ARGHHH

And because my freaking Chemistry teacher is such a fucking waste of space and oxygen, we have an extra Chemistry session on Saturday morning at 9am. No sleep in. No time to catch up the sleep I’m missing. I have 22 school days left and I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to listen.

I am so tired of everything and everyone.

At least something good that has come of today is I FINISHED MY CHINESE ORAL EXAM! WOO! (The “downside”- if it can really be called a “downside”- is that I wanted a level 7 (approx 23/25)… she said off the bat she thought it was probably a 22/25 overall. I wanted to cry or hit something.)

What else… oh yeah, I went to the dentist. Had an x-ray (exciting stuff)… apparently all my wisdom teeth are about to come out.

So naturally I will have to get them ALL REMOVED. Apparently. Shoot me. This is not good.

When will it happen? Oh, just 2-3 days after I finish my exams! GRRRR! So I finish IB exams on the 17th, celebrate that night and Saturday… the surgery is on Monday. They say I’ll pretty much be bed-ridden for the next 2 or 3 days after that… and my face. Wow. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’ll look like.

It’s so close to post-exams because it’ll (supposedly) give me enough time to rest up before Ladakh.

I have 56 days until my exams start and 3 entire science topics untouched. My revision is…. not even started really.

I want to say I’m going to stay up until I have the damn TOK and Philo plans done… but I really think I’ll collapse tomorrow if I do. You know how- all those months back- my basketball team won SEASAC? Yeah, tomorrow lunchtime we are having a “celebratory lunch with the Head of the entire School”. Bit late, it’s a nice gesture though. My problem? My mother and sister will be there. I am the only IB kid on the entire team and I will look like death.

I don’t even like most of the girls on my basketball team. What the hell am I going to do at this lunch? I guess I survived an entire weekend with them, this won’t hurt too much in comparison.

OMFG EVER SINCE THE DENTIST I AM NOW HYPER-AWARE OF MY WISDOM TEETH AND THE PAIN IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE… or maybe that’s just the lights… or the tiredness… or the desperate urge to cry… or all of it. I am so close to giving up, throwing the desk over and scream “fuck this shit, I’m out”, or just leaving in the middle of a class with a teacher I hate.

I am too un-organised for my own good. I am the reason behind my slow and painful demise. I am putting myself too much at risk. The reward does not seem to justify the struggle I’m putting myself through.

I want the fun stuff at the other end of the exams. I want the clubbing and partying and school trips and graduation and prom and the graduation trip…. I CAN’T AFFORD IT. I have no idea where the freaking money is going to come from (short of taking it from my Greece Funds…. which I can’t bring myself to do, I just couldn’t because that would be well and truly giving up on my dream. I know it won’t happen this year, but I can’t abandon all hope just yet…).

Clubbing will cost about….. ~$20 per night I go out
Ladakh is a lot of money (even with the grant)
Graduation Prom will be at least ~$150 (and I don’t even have a dress or ANYTHING at this point)
Graudation After-Party is… $120 if I remember correctly
Phuket is $545… only for flights and accommodation. No food or general spending is included in that price.

Altogether I’m looking at… what… $855 minimum (excluding Ladakh, Prom dress, any accessories with Prom, if we have to pay for Graduation Gowns/Hats, an After-Prom dress (probably not going to get one, but just in case) and anything I may need as spending money in Phuket) in TWO MONTHS. TWO! T-W-O! That’d would nearly clean out my entire Greece Fund if it came out of my pocket. My parents will help me with the money and all… Graduation should be from them I think, but extras will be my issue.

Fuck it. Fuck it all. I just want my Philosophy folder so I can do my work and go to bed. I hate IB. I hate my life (I’m ungrateful and worthless, I recognise that). I can’t wait to just leave this all behind me as a distant memory. The sad thing is that I know it doesn’t get any easier from here on out.

Okay…

SO!

I was going to make a really depressing post about how lonely I felt… how sad I felt… how I don’t think that anyone will ever love me and that I’ll die alone with a bajjilion rabbits because everyone knows that cats are TOO DAMN FRIENDLY. Anyway, I had no idea what to do with my lonely soul…

Then I saw one of my FABULOUSLY AWESOME FRIENDS SENT ME THIS BEAUTY!

SO PLEASE! If you are feeling DOWN, DEPRESSED, LONELY, UNCHEER-UP-ABLE (like I did 5 minutes ago)…

…THEN WATCH THIS LINK BECAUSE I FEEL AMAZING RIGHT FREAKING NOW. I DON’T THINK I WILL EVER BE SAD AGAIN.

I’m Running Out of Titles About School!!

So hey guys! 🙂

Once more I’m back at school. I come here for at least 6 hours a day, 7 days a week… HOW FREAKING SAD IS THAT!?!! Weekends and schooldays are no different- only on weekends I’m not skiving class. I’m like the ultimate rebel nerd. I like it. 😛

So when I came in to the usual classroom just now I found this:

Which is, of course, an illustration of all the main characters in the two fandoms that my girlies want me to join (I’ve already joined the ‘Supernatural’ fandom (on the left), they’ve yet to convince me to watch ‘Merlin’ (on the right), but that’s mainly because I don’t want to fail IB. I’m already worried about my growing addiction to Sam’s… I mean Jared’s beautiful freaking voice I swear to god he’s an angel in disguise he’s so gorgeous and my baby and oh my god and **OVARIES EXPLODE**

*cough cough*

Heh… hehe… sorry bout that. I just get… a little over emotional about such a stunning specimen of man meat. *Sigh* WHY CAN’T ALL MEN BE SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER! I NEED HIM! o.O

…..Ok, I think I’ll stop now.

MY GOALS!

By lunchtime, 12pm (it’s now 10:30) I will have my two Chemistry IAs finished and sent to my godawful teacher (grr). One was due in yesterday- hence the “I hate Chem” post, I really was desperately trying to get that first one in on time (it’s only a first draft), but I couldn’t. Then I showed up for class and she completely, blatantly ignored me. She’s so childish! I’ve hated her since day 1 so it’s no surprise that she’s such a little bitch, but when she ignores me and gives the ONE OTHER KID IN MY CLASS DOING SL WITH ME extra advice about the IA, you can’t expect me to attempt to give her respect right? She lost my respect ages ago… anyway. I’ll hand them both in today and say the other one is late because I wanted to give them both in together. She can suck eggs. I know she won’t have them marked by Monday anyway.

Ciao for now! 🙂

OUaT and Ice Cream

I have such great friends and family. I really do. I under appreciate them far too much, it’s no good.

So to help improve my mood I watched Ep7 of OUaT (Once Upon a Time, Season 1)- if you’ve seen it you may question why I picked THAT particular episode to make myself feel better… but I’ll be honest, I love Graham so much and this episode just gives me ALL THE FEELS. Then I watched the last 10 minutes of the final episode of the season because ALL THE HAPPY ENDING FEELS CLASH WITH THE OMG HOW COULD YOU FEELS RESULTING IN A LOT OF FEELS.

Yeah. Now I feel better and think I might start to tackle some work. My head certainly feels somewhat clearer… 🙂

Well That Was Remarkably Fast

They just walked in the fucking door. That’s it. I’m so done with this shit.

My mood is fucked.

Because a chocolate fucking eclair is going to make up the fact that you’ve all just ignored me for an ENTIRE FUCKING DAY.

This is the first time I’ve seen ANY rellies in over two years. SINCE MY NANA’S FUNERAL THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH! And I see them last night, this morning and get told fuck you, you’re not good enough to take shopping with us. You’re not good enough to spend 6 hours out with. Why the fuck would we take YOU anywhere? You’re a piece of shit. Have some chocolate. Gee, thanks.

I can bet that my dad hasn’t booked “Cloud Atlas” tickets yet either.

So now I’m “doing chinese homework” while they all sit in the living room chatting about what a great day they had and how much shopping they’ve all done.

I have school and basketball tomorrow, same thing the next day (except, add tuition on Tuesday night) and then it’s Wednesday. They leave on Wednesday. Jeez, glad to know you all love me.

Ah, fuck it. I’ll be out of this shithole soon.

Hope you’re all having a better weekend than I am right now. Fucking emotions. Who needs them.

Breakfast with Rellies

Well the rellies have returned. Yup, still feeling that “you’re so included and loved and accepted” vibe. Not.

But that’s ok… I’m in a better mood at least. Hopefully it stays.

It’s annoying that mum’s in the kitchen with everyone (bar Meg and I), talking about the basketball here, and then my SISTER, (my *SISTER*) of all freaking people chimes in about how to pronounce chinese… My sister that learns SPANISH not CHINESE. My sister that STILL got the pronunciation wrong.

Ok sure, it’s not a big deal, it’s not like my Uncle will care or even *remember* it after an hour or so. But it bugs ME. Why do something if you can’t do it RIGHT. Don’t pretend you know how to do things that you CAN’T DO.

I’ve learned chinese for 5 years? Longer? I’m by no means an expert… but I know more than my freaking poncy little sister.

She’s really pissing me off at the moment. REALLY. BIG TIME. I WANT TO HIT HER SHE’S SO GRAHHHHHH!! D:

Breakfast. Time for the circus show.