So one of my A-Level friends thinks that it is beneath him/ not worth his time to finish his CAS reflections…. sparking royal indignation in my heart. My inner fighter came out roaring. There is no way I’m going to let him get away with slacking off! At least not when I had to do it! I know, even though he’s in denial, that the CAS teacher will eat him alive if he doesn’t do the damn things. They really get shitty about CAS here in school. What he doesn’t understand is that the CAS teacher is one of those sadists that likes to punish EVERYONE if ONE person slacks off.
Well… He’s getting very shitty about me ignoring him. We usually talk quite a lot, but ever since he said he’s not doing his reflections I haven’t spoken a word to him. It’s driving him nuts. Anyway, there’s this one question he keeps asking and because I’m not talking to him, I can’t answer him.
BUT I can write about it on here.
SO You know who you are- grow some balls. It’s not about a guarantee! Whether you do or don’t shouldn’t depend on the result. You either want to or you don’t. How do you expect to live in the real world if you a) can’t take a risk b) can’t make decisions for yourself I know what *I* think will happen, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that that will happen! Sheeesh.
PS- stop bugging me and get your damn reflections done! I have exams in 48 days! (THAT MEANS I HAVE BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT!) So yeah.
Just some general advice for the public: If you believe in something, stand for it (unless it’s something really nasty like Fascism or Neo-Nazism… in which case you should probably get a bit educated (Y) yeah). If you want something to happen, or you want to do something, make sure you’re doing it FOR YOURSELF. It’s YOUR life to live. Sure there are things that you need to consult others about first, but whatever happens you need to OWN that decision. That’s the beauty of autonomy.
When I do something, 99% of the time I do it for myself. It might be successful, it might fail awfully, but at least at the end of the day I know that I only have myself to blame or praise. If you believe in what you do then at least if it goes horribly wrong you can rest somewhat easier knowing that at least you had the courage to stand up for yourself. Being able to decide between a good and bad decision comes with wisdom, being able to decide whether something is really worth the result comes with experience. You need to make mistakes sometimes, but make them YOUR mistakes… not a mistake you made because you followed what someone else told you to do (which, in itself, I guess counts as a mistake too- blindly following other people).
I suppose that goes for a lot of things. As a teenager it’s hard to think that we’re (as L’Oreal would say) “worth it”. It’s often difficult to believe that we’re anything more than a mass of awkwardness and bad skin. The bad overshadows the good a lot of the time. As much as I love my mum, she can piss me off a beauty (on regular occasion too). She’s always the first to point out a flaw, be it physical or personality-wise and that’s tough to grow up with. Perhaps it’s out of defiance towards my mum, but I never really had MASSIVE body issues (of course there were SOME- my nose is broken and bumpy… my boobs are TINY… too much information for the average netizen, but hey, I know there are girls out there that can relate!), anyway, I think my way of coping with my mum telling me I that my jeans were a little tight or my shirts didn’t fill properly… I forced myself to love my body.
Weird reverse psychology. Maybe she’s done it on purpose? I don’t know… So the more mum commented on my body, the more I went out of my way to spite her by loving the flaws she pointed out… to the point where I don’t really care what she says. Well… for a long time that was the case. Recently her comments have started hitting home a little more. It’s strange. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have a friend or two that are VERY body conscious and now that I’ve given up sports (and not my bad diet), I’m starting to notice what my mum is saying is true… I’m not fat, but I know if I keep going the way I am right now I will be. Very fat. Soon, but not yet.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: it’s hard to love yourself when so many other people are out there to try and bring you down. Every magazine or T.V. show is telling you you’re not good enough, tall enough, skinny enough, muscle-y enough and whatnot… It’s easy to see why there is such a feeling of negative body issue in teens (it stuns me that people continue to read or watch this shit despite the fact it makes them feel bad). There are some things we can’t change about ourselves. In my case, nothing I can change without surgery… minus the weight thing- that is something I just need to get off my butt and do. But because of the way I’ve grown up I sometimes find it hard to understand this utter and complete reliance on external verification of “hotness”. Surely to be happy, as long as you can find it within yourself to love yourself, you’ll be somewhat happy?
Okay… I’m not coming off very eloquently… Let me try again.
If someone does something you don’t like, do you stick around? Maybe at first… but repetitively? With any luck you’d have enough of a spine to know that that person is a dick and you need to leave. So why not do the same for people that shit-talk you? You are an individual. Why rely on what other people say? ARGH THIS ISN’T WORKING!
My words aren’t WORKING!
Okay. The thing is. Don’t allow other people to shape the way you see yourself. It’s hard but it’s possibly one of the greatest things you could do for yourself. KNOWING that you’re beautiful on the inside even if you don’t believe that you are on the outside will help your confidence. I am a lot more susceptible to my mum’s unnecessary comments, but I do my best to grin and ignore her. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. At the end of the day I need to be happy with myself. Most days I am. I choose to not let people dictate what I think of myself. Most people will say it’s easier said than done, but there’s a part of me that disagrees (but at this moment in time I really can’t argue my point very well, my head is a scrambled mess). ANYWAY- HAVE A GOOD DAY! 🙂
One Girl and a Dream 